i've nvr felt this melancholical for a very very very very very long time, since sec1 till i cried for so long that my eyes swelled up and im drained of all sort of energy. and i feel like my vision is blotted and im just super incapable of doing odinary things.
i dunt like loosing, i dislike loosing, no infact i abhor loosing. its a mentality that has been cultivated in me since a very tender age that winning is better than loosing, though loosing gives you more oppurtunities and are a mild stone to more success, its smth that cannot be driven properly into my head and thus explaining my paroxysm of tears in utmost disappointment. i dunt like the feeling of my heart squeezing into a ball really tight and i cant breathe right causing my breathe intakes to fluctuate and make wierrd noises. i really had positive thoughts abt it all. but such thoughts were pretty futile.
// the one thing i know, is to definately cry it out. its better. in the bus i spent half my life allowing the tears to drip down my face onto the seat and just pluging ear piece into my earholes telling myself that its over and i have to move on. (however, today it didnt really work) my face was extremely gross in many many ways, HAHHAH. im not exaggerating. im in absolute shock that jarred&kavi&jerome cld hugg me and tell me its alright even though i looked like a completely distorted freaak. (iloveyouguys)
_ i've mused over it and i want to win. i cant bear the thought of letting go off j.g's this fast. if this wasnt good enough then i'll have to put in double the effort&double everyth else. i want this. BADLY. its a desire that burning me. i cant keep it out. im not very optimistic abt things but since my darling threeesome and the rest told me to " SMILE&BE OPTIMISTIC" i shall heed them.
on the contrarry _
we reallly fought, thats the truth. we tried our utmost best to thrash them but yet they won. maybe they were better than us in many ways but stylistically i still think we had the upper hand. either way, there's lot more that we have to improve on i guess if we're planning to step into the semi's or quarters. so 3sweet cheers to my darling of a debate team : INA.FIZA.JAYS! and mee. if we lost today because of me, then my apologies will not be publicised here, i'll plaster it somewhere else for forgiveness. even if it wasnt my fault, " WE CAN DO IT! "
to all the people who were here today, in particular - (the following)
*JEROME _ (if you ever read this) i swear, i was just brooding over it. you really made me feel better i just wanted to cry out my system. awh i didnt call you cos my batt was flat. im sorry and im fineee, seriously i loveyou so much for all the care man(: but you p.s us!
*KAVITA _ you came even though __________ so annoying (you are the only one who will know how to fill in the blanks baby) you wiped my tears&sent me home. awwwwwh! i loveyou too much to describe! im meeting you tmr again! (: ahaha.
*JAREDDD _ awwh and im so touchedd. (: you just sat there listening to my loud bellows of tears and comforting me even though you wanted to die right then. haha, it was funny how you were trynna make it all okay, when i just looked drunked and spastic. LOVES!
*MY DEBATE TEAM _ i know we did our best, somehow we'll win one! i love you all, we all know the pressure and plight of sitting there and debating. its the bond we share, im so super super pleased that iloveyou all, debating with ppl with you just makes life a little easier! CHEERS TO A WIN(: the supporters
*(komi.thas.gaya3.teckhan.rashid) _ yoou sweet sweet ppl! (: xoxo! thanks for all the endless support.
somehow, its sinking in again in my system that my school was defeated and the tears are falling (a little less saltish now) accompanyment to the tune of "it ends tonight".
--
the weekend's going to be a hell of weekend, i've got things one after.
shit now, what happen to my beaautyy sleep? OOHH GOD!
xoxo me.
.. and this solitary momment makes me want to come back home.
9:57 AM
»VANITY
the princess is called taahira, or more commonly taa.
070692 turns sexaye 15.
occupied with textmessages,obsessing with photography,DRAAAMA&DEBATING(:
phone,hair-ing,movie maranthons,
swimming,beaching,sea sports,shopping,poetry,doing poetry,reading&gg deep,
singing at the wrong times
,horror/supernatural,
kisses with cherry lipgloss&huggs from cuddly ones,suriyaa(:
,eyeliner,brown eyeshadow,
starrs,night life,myLOVEDONES(x
sinful whims.
-sinful whims.! (:
.A GENIE
.black or white tote bag/clutch bag.
.boot cut mini skirt.
.long sleeved low cut dress.
.stilletos.
.tube top dress.
.red belt or a belt with my name onnit.
.remaaaaaain at about 47kg.
.grow to 162cm
.become the girrl on tvee.
.super low top from niche.
.have the best time in 37.
.mantain my slight way hair(:
.flat shoes for icelemontee.
.BEST PARTY TIMES.
.do reallllllllly well this year!
